meet charlie helpful dad, up standing citizen...
and an 18 year veteran of the greatest lawen for cement agency in the land..
that's charlie's home modest, like the man.
even though helived on the water,
charlie wasn't much of a swimmer...
which will comein to play a little laterin our story.
but I'm getting way ahead of myself.
you know, maybe it's best if we just go back and begin at the beginning.
as a young man, charlie had the world by it's bootstraps.
he was the best young trooper on the force...
and was dating the prettiest and smartest galin town.
her name was layla, just like the melody.
charlie.
you have no idea how much I love you.
yeah? yeah.
well, will you stay with me no matter what? of course, charlie.
well, what if I had to move to the arctic, and you could never come home,
and you had to eat whale bl ubber for the rest of your life?
would you still stay with me? yeah, I'd stay.
but I hope that never happens. yeah, me too.
well, by spring time,
they had made it official.
boy, let me tell you,
that was some wedding.
It was preside dover by father ken gumbert,
and half the rhode lsland state police force was in attendance.
congratulations, charlie. thank you, captain.
all right.
Iook what I got.
here we go.
excuse me. do you people take checks?
say that again. do we people take checks? you mean, the black man?
no, no, no, no, no. god, no. your company.
don't give me that backtracking bullshit. that was a racist slur!
no, it wasn't, really. Il would never
tell you what! I'll make it real easy for you.
why don't you just pay me in cotton or a cartload of water melons?
or how's about a couple of them buckets offried chicken?
'cause you know how we black people we just love fried chicken, mr. charlie.
hey, no, come on now. settle down. what's going on?
this cat don't believe a nigger knows how to cash a check. ain't that about a bitch!
charlie, I don't wanna ever hear you use the n word in this house.
what? I I never said anything remotely racist.
so it's the little people thing then? no!
you think just 'cause I'm small, you can just push me around?
well, come on, my friend, let's boogie.
I'm gonna give you a little lesson in low center of gravity. what?
stop it!
cut it stop it now. sir!
don't patronize me with that sir crap.
those are illegal.
stop. oh, god!
It's on now! It's on. charlie!
charlie, don't hit him!
charlie, charlie, charlie, stop it! charlie, stop it!
charlie, charlie. hey, hey, hey, just let me handle this. stop it!
excuse me, mister, jackson
stop it! what what what is your first name? It's shonte.
shonte, I'm I am I am so, so sorry. I apologize.
oh, come on, here. Iet me walk you to your car.
I just don't have the patience for people who judge books by their cover.
and you shouldn't have to.
treating me like a dumb shit. I mean, who does he think he's talking to?
I'm a tenured professor of molecular genetics over at brown,
and I'm head of the boston chapter of mensa. you're kidding?
no. I'm just driving this limo as a sociologic experiment, that's it.
but mensa? I'm president of the providence chapter. no kidding.
just when charlie thought life couldn't get anysweeter,
old mr. stork droppedin to pay him and layla a visit.
It's a boy!
oh, boy,
he's so wow!
what?
oh, my god, we're in I uck. he's got company!
push! push!
charlie loved those boys somuch,
he just couldn't face the truth.
and so he went on with his life, as if everything was normal.
hey, finneran. hey, buddy.
hey! hope you brought your appetite with ya. oh, I did.
charlie, your kids look great.
yeah, don't they? thanks.
charlie,
just between you and me,
did you ever notice that your kids have sort of a year round tan?
yeah, well.
my great grandmother's half ltalian. half ltalian?
oh, yeah.
well, that's probably why the water beads off their hair, huh?
yeah, so?
I mean, a lot of people have different kind of hair. oh, yeah.
I mean, what are you what are you what are you getting at
no, no, I'm just saying is you know
come on, charlie, goddamn it!
those kids' dicks are bigger than them sausages.
knock it off, finneran. those are my children you're talking about.
I've been meaning to ask you about that. finneran!
get over here. It's your turn.
charlie, don't mind me.
It's just the beer talking, you know?
sure.
there's something powerful bubbling up inside me, father,
and I'm afraid that someday,
if I don't do something, I'm gonna explode.
where does this rage come from, myson?
I don't know. It's a lot of things, really.
take mywife, for example.
I love her like no other,
but part of me suspects that she may be having an affair.
and I'm I'm probably just being paranoid here,
but I get the feeling...
that the entire town is laughing at me behind my back.
charlie, that you?
eventually, charlie's worst fears were realized.
I'm so sorry, charlie. really, I am.
but I have to do this. I found my soul mate.
but...
I thought I was your soul mate.
come on, legs. Iet's roll, baby.
I don't know what to say.
I guess the heart just wants what the heart wants.
bye, charlie.
but you said you'd eat whale bl ubber.
oh, she'll be eating bl ubber, all right, just as soon as I free willy.
It's funny howaman reacts when his heart gets broken.
some break down and cry like a baby.
others, they take out an uzi and climba clock tower.
but charlie baileygates didn't seem to react at all.
he just swallowed hard,
felt that slab of heartache slide over the lump in this throat,
and he locked it all away.
as you can imagine, it wasn't easy...
for little jamaal, lee harvey and shonte junior...
growing up without amom,
but charlie made that little house into a big old home, and the boys flourished.
Iet me tell you, they were smartones.
what are you buildin', fellas? an airplane, daddy.
bye bye!
bye, daddy! have a good time at work!
bye, daddy!
Iove you, daddy!
no. no!
hey! stop it! jamaal, you're in a lot of trouble! get off that!
don't you take off in that!
how can you keep eatin' that crap and never gain weight?
I don't know. just I ucky, I guess.
do you believe his voice? that's gomer pyle!
daddy, can we watch richard pryor on h.b.o.?
richard pryor?
please. okay.
In africa, though, I go outin the country.
you see some lions and shit. I'm talkin' about real lions,
not them kind you be fuckin' with in the zoo.
you fuck with the lions, hey, lion, motherfucker!
be throwin' shitatit. Iionbe.
as they have a way of doing, the years passed some what regularly.
and the boys, well, they came into their own.
...is make her toss my salad!
the guy's like, toss my salad? well, what's that?
yeah, well, having your salad tossed...
means having your ass hole eaten out with jelly or syrup.
I prefer syrup.
he's a funny motherfucker.
although charlie's police work had started to suffer,
the kids were doing great.
damn! I can't figure out the atomic mass of this motherfuckin' deuteron.
shit, man, that shit's simple.
Iook. tell me this, tell me this. what, what?
what's a deuteron made up of? duh, a proton and a neutron.
then what's this motherfuckin' electron doin' right there?
shit, I don't know. well, get it outta there then!
okay, so you sayin' I add up the atomic masses of the proton and the neuton, right?
I sees that, but what do I do with the goddamn electron?
can I bring it over here?
enrico fermi would roll over in his motherfuckin' grave if he heard that stupid shit.
I mean, he'd just turn over ass up in your face. he wouldn't give a fuck.
man, jamaal, man, just cut my man some slack, dog.
Iook here, I'm just tryin' to help him save face, all right?
he keep askin' questions like that, motherfuckers gonna think he's stupid.
I ain't stupid. mornin', fellas.
oh, hey, dad. hey, pops, how you doin', man?
what's all the commotion down here? just school shit and sht.
how's my little guy doin'? strugglin'. this quantum physics is confusing.
If I don't buckle down, I'm gonna get myself another b plus. oh, that'd be whack.
man, he so fuckin' dumb, he think calculus is a goddamn emperor.
give it up, dog. well, you think polypeptide's a motherfuckin' toothpaste.
oh, I gotta get outta here. I don't want to have to bust a cap.
kisses.
daddy.
seeya later. Ioveya! all right.
yeah, charlie was gettin' a lot of respectin side the house,
but out side well, that was another story.
morning, ed.
charlie.
say, ed, did you see where my paper went today?
uh, the wife's got it in the shitter.
well, could you tell her to throw it on the porch when she's done?
can't you get one at work?
yeah, l... suppose I could. you betcha.
hey, charlie. hey, george, herb.
hi, charlie. how do, fellas?
hi, charlie. Iisten, dick, I was
hey, guys, check out the rack on this one.
oh, yeah, that's what daddy likes.
It looks like a dead heat in a zeppelin race.
yeah, a couple of hindenburgs, huh? oh, the humanity!
come on, guys, take it easy. she's a mom.
she's a mom.
she's not my mom! she's a yummy mom.
you kill me! she's a mom.
sure, that is good.
Iisten, uh, dick, I'm sorry, uh, to bother you like this,
but, uh, uh, your your your car is gonna have to be moved.
yeah, sure, charlie, okay.
I should be done here in another ten or fifteen minutes.
you know, I hate to be a stickler, dick,
but, uh, the law states that you can't park in one place for more than an hour,
and you've been there for
goin' on three days now.
all right, all right, the law's the law.
park it behind the grocery store, willya, charlie?
yeah, sure.
this one? there's an old saying..
an ostrich with his head in the sand makes alousy cop. my fault.
you see, if you can't deal with your own problems,
well, it's hard to deal with others'. sweetie.
sweetie? that's kind of dangerous.
you wanna move it up onto the sidewalk, away from the traffic?
my dad says you're a joke, and I don't have to listen to you.
well, your father is entitled to his opinion,
but I am an officer of the law, and, uh, by all rights, l
fuck off! you should watch your mouth, little girl.
thank you, have a nice day.
excuse me. charlie! hey!
you mind ifl get ahead of you? I'm in a wicked rush. Is that okay?
oh, yeah, sure, go ahead. you're a doll.
hey, kids, over here! now!
didn't I tell you to stay with me? stop! put those down!
vagiclean, huh? what's the matter, honey?
Iittle extra cheese on the taco?
excuse me. no, excuse me.
there's no tag on this.
price check on vagiclean, aisle five.
Irepeat. price check on vagiclean, aisle five. that's vagiclean.
we gota customer down here with a fullon fallopian fungus. she's baking a laf of bread,
and I thinkit's sourdough.
put a rush on that.
hey, big guy, did you hear the news?
my son, billy, got the lead in the high school musical.
well, I guess he likes the cock after all.
still wanna skip rope on the street?
I'm gonna tell my daddy on you, charlie!
wrong answer. and the name's hank, fuck face.
there you go, dick.
I parked it forya. by the way,
you got a head light out.
that looks good. here you go, colonel.
very good, malcolm. thank you.
colonel, we got a problem. there's something wrong with charlie.
one x to 1 12. 1 12 responding.
of course, there's not much about this sort of thing...
in the rhode lsland state policemanual,
so they sent him up to boston tosee a team of highly trained head doctors.
they quickly identified the problem.
you got a major screw loose.
doctors have diagnosed you as having a split personality. a schizo.
I don't remember any of this. that's because...
according to that report, it wasn't you that this was happening to.
It was this other guy. hank.
he said his name was hank.
and apparently hank is trying to get out. trying to get out?
what do you mean, get out? how did he get in?
you created him. by not dealing with your problems, charlie.
ever since.
well, you know, you've been avoiding confrontation.
but this guy inside he doesn't. hank.
doctors feel that, uh, you've created this character out of necessity.
you never stick up for yourself.
charlie,
why didn't you take a vacation when layla left?
why would l? you know?
I mean, wives leave their husbands every day in this country.
there's no reason to short change the department.
I mean, it's not like I had the fl u.
have you picked up your medication, charlie?
I'm really not crazy about it, though.
you know, it makes me so dry.
you have to take it anyway. dr.rabinowitz assure us...
that if you do, everything I'll be fine.
this is a bunch of crap!
no wonder you're the smallest state. Iittle mind, little state.
It shouldn't even be a state. It should be the district of rhode lsland.
what ever you say. can you take these goddamn things off, please?
and could you stop looking at my ass?
pritchard, what what's going on out here?
well, colonel, her name's waters, lrene p.
I pulled her over on 95 for a broken taillight. I ran a check.
she's got an outstanding warrant in upstate new york.
hit and run? hit and run. Injured pedestrian signed a complaint.
oh, well, I think I might remember that. that is ridiculous.
I've never been in an accident. not in mywhole life. well,
I've just gotten off the phone with the new york state patrol.
they don't seem to think it's so ridiculous.
Iook, how can we fix
were you in massena, new york, last friday, second of may?
well, yeah, I live there, but I didn't have any accident.
Iook, I'm just driving down to block lsland to see my sister
you seem like a nice guy. Is there anyway you might let me handle this by mail?
unfortunately, miss waters, I'm not the one you have to convince.
If there's been a mistake, you have to clear it up in massena.
what? okay, wait. you
because of somebody else's mistake, I have to get in my car...
and drive all the way back to upstate new york?
no, ma'am.
we'll have one of our troopers escort you.
hey, hollywood, turn your fucking phone off.
yeah? you're an asshole.
oh, hello, lrene. what did I do now?
Iisten, I'm sitting at a police station some where in rhode lsland,
and they're shipping me back to massena on some bogus crap.
sound familiar? slow down.
I don't have a clue what you're talking about. dickie!
cut the bullshit!
Iisten to me, okay? It's over, dickie. It's over.
so please just stop messing with me,
and call your friends and tell them to back off, okay?
Iook, I'm being a straight shooter here.
If you need help, I'll help you.
just give me all the details. I'll get to the bottom of it. all right?
massena, new york? man, goddamn, daddy, that's damn near caada.
I know, I know. It wasn't my idea.
I gotta take this gal up north, and then the colonel ordered me to take a week's vacaion.
why a week? man, that's a long motherfuckin' time.
well, he wants me to rest while I'm getting used to the medication.
aw, come on, you don't have to worry about us, daddy. we're grown up now.
these two motherfuckers can do the shoppin', and I'll do the cookin'.
man, you do the cookin'? you thought you got chipped beef froma toothy blowjob.
you're gonna have shontejunior down under goddamn 400 pounds. fuck that.
can't have that happen. okay, guys. no, we can't, we can't.
I'm not leaving till morning. you know the rules when I go, no bitche after 1 1 :00.
all right, pops! yeah, man.
bye, daddy! gotya, papa! Iove you, daddy!
now who the hell's this lrene honey, anyway?
she worked for me the past couple years.
I hired her to be my golf course super intendent.
we got close. no, you got stupid.
for the love of shit, the seare the loose ends that can hang you, dickie and me too.
how much does shek now? she might have gotten wind of some things.
yeah, well, we're gonna find out.
the complaint was signed by a guy named peterson.
he's with the e.p.a.
e.p.a.? I thought they were in our pocket.
well, not all of'em.
hang on, ma'am. yeah.
this vacation is just what charlie needs.
I bet he's a new man when he gets back.
If we let him back.
what do you mean?
well, I mean that he's become a pretty big liability.
we may have to let him go.
Iet him go? but but, captain, police work is charlie's whole li
I know, I know, damn it. I know.
It's a great time of year to ride,
Iong as you don't mind one or two bugs.
boy, you can't beat the open road!
oh, no!
oh, my goodness. geez.
those damn truckers.
you know, you'd think they'd call someone to come clean this up.
poor thing. oh, that's terrible.
by the looks of her, she's been here for a while.
well, I doubt we're gonna be able to move her, but we should try.
you wanna get that end? just give it a little push?
really? yeah, yeah, we should give it a shot.
okay? go ahead. okay.
just just push as hard as you can. yeah, okay.
jesus!
okay, you just oh, it's still alive.
just stand back. I'll take care of it. god, that's terrible.
oh. now, don't don't look, okay? yeah.
well, old girl, your suffering's over.
oh, it ain't always easy doing mother nature's work.
oh, j
do you believe that?
no, it's yech.
oh, my god in heaven!
oh, god!
god! what the hell is wrong with you?
die!
Iet go! Iet go, girl!
on to greener pastures. come on.
they're clearcutting a place in heaven for you.
come on! help me out! do something! but
I don't let go!
Iet it go! go!
well, that was tough,
but I think we did the right thing.
patrol car, yes. okay, thank you.
can I help you? yes, I'm officer baileygates, rhode lsland state police.
I have, uh, your prisoner, miss lrene waters here.
all right. I'll tell them you're here. okay dee, rightdee.
what are those for?
oh, it's just this stupid thing.
I have to take a pill every six hours or I feel funny. no big deal.
what's it called?
advanced delusionary schizophrenia with invol untary narcissistic rage.
does your ass feel numb?
no, but they give me unbelievable cotton mouth.
I meant from the ride. oh, no, no.
over the years, my ass has taken a pounding.
miss waters, my name is peterson.
this is my partner, agent boshane.
we're with the environmental protection agency's special lnvestigations.
the e.p.a.? yeah.
what'd I hit? a baldheaded eagle?
well, we'll explain that to you, ma'am,
but right now, we're gonna ask you to come along with us.
well, why don't you just explain it to me now? well, ma'am,
we put your hitandrun report out on the wire in orderto track you down.
track me down for what? agent boshane?
I want to remind you again, our station's at your disposal.
you're more than welcome to use any of our interrogation rooms.
we appreciate it, lieutenant gerke, but we're all set.
all right. well, if there's anything at all I c
excuse me.
I'm just gonna get myself a drink of water.
so if I could, uh,
just get someone to sign this, I'll be on my way.
yeah.
well, miss waters, uh, good luck.
and I hope everything works out great for you.
thanks a lot, charlie.
I haven't done anything wrong, and you know it.
what about the marijuana roaches you left behind when you moved out of your apartment?
so I smoked some pot. what is that, a crime?
as is being an accessory to bribery, embezzlement,
tax evasion and racketeering.
what are you talking about? does the name dickie thurman ring a bell?
his company, cedar creek limited,
has been under a sealed grand jury investigation for 1 8 months.
how does that make me an accessory? I laid some sod on dickie's golf course. so?
tell me this a big operation like the cedar creek country cl ub
how'd you get the job as the head greens keeper?
by default. this guy, tedeschi or tedescho,
he was hired before me, but he died.
heart problem or something.
the feds believed that lrene knew...
more than she thought she knew,
and her life was in danger.
they explained that everything had been happening rightunder her nose
pay offs of government agencies, threats to wards those whostoodin the way,
and her predecessor's heart attack?
well, that was just cold blooded murder.
oh, man.
can you excuse me?
pizza kid.
how much? uh, that comes to 1 3.95.
oh, son of a bitch!
well, it was a good thing charlie had told her...
he was staying at the chuck e. cheese lodgeand miniature golf resort.
charlie?
Irene finagleda key from the front deskand let her selfin.
charlie.
charlie, what's going on here? hmm? Irene?
Irene, I was just, um I was gonna, um, study your file...
and, uh, try to find a loophole.
did your lips getas chapped as mine on the ride down?
never mind! I need your help.
there was a shoot out down at the thing, and the agents are dead.
dead? yeah, they were after me, charlie.
oh, god. see, this is dickie's work. I know it.
so what are you gonna do? we'll call the police.
what? no, you can't do that.
dickie has those guys in his back pocket. that's why I came to you.
how wha how do you oh!
hey, this is serious shit! you don't
I'm outta here.
hey, wait. no, don't do that! come on, hold on! just let me think for a second, okay?
think someplace else, charlie. this is the first place they're gonna look.
damn it!
so where are we going, anyway? you'll see!
well, they went on the lam for a bit,
and then charlie made a couple of phone calls.
Irene, take it easy now.
charlie? don't worry. I'll take care of it.
hey. good work, bailey gates.
thanks. I'm sorry I had to meet you all the way out here.
no, that's okay. It's just as well.
poor gal's a little paranoid. my kids are like that.
some where along the line, they just get this idea that the cops are the bad guys
Iisten, I don't know what's going on, and I didn't tell the feds anything.
dickie told me you were street smart, huh?
why the hell would you run back to this idiot?
drop the gun, moron. you're being videotaped.
what are you talkin' about? there's a camera on my bike.
hard to hit a moving target, isn't it?
score. good move.
get in the car.
come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
would you mind telling me what the hell you were thinking back there?
calling that cop was unbelievably stupid.
tweak the high end of your emotional e.q, sweet beak.
the funky chicken was charlie's dance.
I'm a tango man myself.
as you can imagine, there was some explaining to do.
so, hank, as he called him self,
found a quietspot and spelled out the whole darn mess.
okay, so what you're saying is that you're not charlie.
come on, you've seen charlie in action. the guy's like origami.
he folds under pressure. when the big game's on the line, he' busy ridin' the pine.
okay, wait, wait. can you just
It's simple.
charlie's the mouse that got you into the maze.
I'm the rat who knows how to find the cheese.
the name's hank hank evans.
so it's true.
charlie is a schizo. I wouldn't know.
I stay outta his business, he stays outta mine.
Iook.
just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.
I feel your fear.
It's comin' through like static on my heart radio.
hank? hank.
I really, really appreciate your help,
but is there anyway that maybe we could get...
charlie back out here for a little huddle?
no problem.
while you're at it, climb that pole over there and take a piss on the power lines.
Iook, I'm not here to twist your niblets. I'm here to save your life.
but if I'm gonna do that, I'll need total uninanonynymity.
okay.
sound good, candypants? hank, don't call me that.
man, how the hell can they call pl uto a planet?
what motherfuckin' planet has an elliptical orbit?
man, this shit don't make no sense.
motherfucker! that motherfucker vince foster was murdered! I told you!
will you quit hackin' into them goddamn pentagon files?
ain't no never mind who them crooked politicians be killin'. just d your studyin'.
man, what did daddy tell you about snoopin', huh? shit, yeah, man.
you keep fuckin' around, you gonna get that scholar ship to yale taken away rom you.
be stuck up there at stanford with them goddamn slingblade motherfuckers.
shit, motherfucker, you be lucky to get accepted to duke gettin' a 1 430 on you s.a.t.
motherfucker, you know I had the fl u. the fl u, my ass.
you had a motherfuckin' aneurysm gettin' a 1 430.
aneurysm? man, you talkin' some shit now.
now you see, man? that's probably one of them lvy league sumbitches now.
get your bigass head up and get the door, man. get the door.
don't fuck with my shit. get outta the way. gimme some of them chips.
hey, captain.
fellas. what the fuck is goin' on, man?
this is agent anicelli. gentlemen.
what's happenin', captain? we've got a problem.
pack your bags.
we're locked and loaded. great.
got enough stuff to hold us over for 72 hours.
well, fuck my ozone.
hey, ring worm.
yeah, I'm talkin' to you, you toxic waste of life.
you gonna pick up that butt, or do I have to gl ue it to the end of my shoe..
and stick it in your big, fat, pimplyahole?
hey, man, take it easy. It's just a cigarette.
oh, yeah? well, this is just a fist.
but when I start throwing it around, it can leave one hell of a mess.
Iet's dance.
Iet's kick the shit outta this crazy asshole.
wait, wait. wait! he's a schizo!
what the hell's wrong with him?
what happened, anyway?
yeah, charlie was taking a few lumps on account of hank's behavior.
but, save for a little bloodin the urine, he was no worse for the wear.
I'm sorry you had to meet hank, miss waters.
I thought I was bad. that guy has some serious problems.
he did save our lives.
anyway, hank had a pretty good idea.
he thinks that maybe oh, and you're gonna listen to hank?
come on! Iook what he did tome. I mean, what are you thinkin'?
he's out of control, this guy.
you know what I think we should do?
I think we should find another department and tell them the whole story.
not smart, charlie. we don't know how far dickie's reach goes.
well, then, you know what?
I think it's time to call the best damn law enforcement agency in the country
the rhode lsland state troopers!
do you really think the feds don't have some guy up there now bugging calls?
they'd be on us in ten minutes.
and they're the ones that almost got me killed in the first place.
okay. what was the genius's big plan?
he thinks that we should find a cabin and hide out for a while.
oh, yeah? what about water? what about food?
he already got supplies. they're in the trunk.
these are the supplies?
well, he had a plan, all right.
that's it? that's all he got?
oh, no, there's more.
a rope, a shovel,
bag oflime and some lawn darts.
and the kid napping of one lrene p. waters. that's bullshit!
my daddy ain't killed nobody, and he sure as shit ain't kidnapped no skinnyass bitch!
your dad's sick, mentally. he's had some sort of break down. that's what we understnd.
the important thing is we find him, so nobody else gets hurt, himself incl udd.
come on, man, nobody's gonna get hurt.
hell, yeah. our daddy wouldn't hurt a motherfuckin' fly.
no, he goes after bigger game.
wejust got a report he put six bullets into a prize cow's head.
poorthing's I ucky to bealive.
okay, look, let's say he does have a problem which he don't.
he's been taking pills to get rid of it, anyway. he left his pills in the hotel.
damn. that's where he lef this sanity.
I've seen it first hand. the guy's nuttier than squirrel turds.
Iook. one thing I don't understand, lieutenant.
If my daddy's such a scary ass motherfucker, why'd you go by youself, huh?
yeah, who the fuck are you, sergeant york, tryin' to take on the germans your damn self?
your father's a police officer, and he asked me to come alone. how was to know he's a nutce?
man, our daddy ain't no fuckin' nutcase. he may have...
advanced del usionary schizophrenia with invol untary narcissistic rage,
but he is a very gentle person!
what's the fuzz? tell me what's a happening.
stay away from me, hank! I know what you had planned. I saw your socalled supplies.
oh, that?
I wasn't gonna just ram it home, you know.
I was gonna lube it up...
and ease it in there inch by inch, like a gentleman.
I was talking about the shovel and the lime.
shovel and lime?
thank you.
I haven't laughed like that in a long time. what's so funny?
we're drivin' a hot carriage. so?
that stuff belongs to the bad cop.
you think he was gonna take our dead bodies down to the station?
Irene decided they should go back to rhode lsland,
but hankhad an idea first.
are you sure about this? are you kiddin'?
every oinker east ofthe mississippi will be looking for this sled.
safer to go mass transit. ready? on nine.
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
well, they won't be tracking us in that car.
thanks for the kudos. sure.
glad we're fi nally on the same page. me too.
you okay?
yes, I'm fine.
thought you were goin' over the edge.
thank you.
you know, I think you're a very special unit. that's sweet.
I hope we can get to know each other better.
yeah, me too.
do you swallow?
I get it. we'll go slow.
hey! yes?
you didn't happen to pick up a wallet on the dash, did ya?
you're kidding, right?
so, what's your tale, mother goose? where you from?
oh, all over.
omnipresence I like that in a woman.
I'm originally from texas. middleclass neighborhood.
but after high school, I moved to new york, 'cause I had this thing
Iet me guess. everybody in town told you you were easy on the eyes,
so you decided to become a super model.
when you got to the big apple, they treated you like the worm.
so you packed on a few pounds and started calling yourself an actress.
no.
unfortunately, you can't get far without talent,
and after a while the only bright lights you saw were the ones...
that hit you in the face when you opened the fridge.
that's when you got a boobjob, started hanging around on the upper east side,
Iooking for a rich, old man with a bum ticker...
and waved a white flag in the face of your own self loathing.
how's my aim?
I never went to new york city. I went upstate to cornell.
and then I got my master's in turf management at umass.
and then I became a golf course super intendent.
and these, believe it or not, are all mine.
I noticed you conveniently left out your eating disorder.
I don't have an eating disorder. what ever you say, slim.
hands off, hank.
hey! mom!
that's real nice, hank. way to keep a low profile.
It's survival at this point.
hey, I know how to score some dough. punch me.
what? punch me in the face.
why? I'll flag the big cheese,
tell him I got rolled in the parking lot.
he'll hush me up with a couple of benjamins.
they don't need that kind ofink on sugar mountain. come on, rip my head off.
that's really lame, hank.
well, you have a better idea? come on.
It's not gonna work. yes, it is gonna work, but you gotta rock me.
don't give me one of those girly l don't wanna break a fingernail love taps.
this guy's gotta look at my face and just
well, the kick in the chops didn't work out as planned,
and it just left charlie a little more roughedup.
how's the nose feelin'? Iisten to it.
I'm really sorry, charlie. I'll get over it.
I mean, you should be furious. I just dropkicked you right in the face.
hey, it happens.
you got a great way of looking at life, charlie.
you know that? that's a gift.
yeah, I don't know if my shrinks would agree.
they think that's my problem. what?
oh, that I purposely distort my perceptions...
to make my reality more palatable.
oh, like you only hear what you wanna hear?
thanks. I like to keep it short, especially in the summer.
how come I couldn't have ended up with an easy going guy like you, charlie, huh?
It's like you don't give a damn, you know?
and your skin's so natural. you just let it hang out, blemishes andall.
you're not afraid of your flaws. you have squinty eyes,
and your face is all pursed up like you just sucked on a lemon,
but you pull it off.
you thinking what I'm thinking?
oh, no.
oh, yeah.
come on.
but I don't know if I can! yes, you can!
humans only use ten percent of their potential.
you gotta reach down for that little extra something.
there you go! now you're gettin' it!
I believe in you!
don't you give up on me now!
It's easier than I thought! come on!
go, charlie, go!
you can do it! come on, charlie!
use more of your potential!
come on, charlie! go!
come on, jump off!jump off! what?
what?
jump off the train!
Irene?
come on, stop foolin' around.
I started thinking about it. bad idea.
trains are the first place they'll look.
oh, come on.
hey, we checked all the major gas and food stops along the interstate.
no sign of him. the interstate?
Iet me ask you something, man. Is your old lady happy?
my old lady?
yeah, man, because if your fucking is anything like your police work,
you couldn't hit the gspot on a 12pound pussy.
watch yourself.
what are you getting at? Iook, man.
daddy ain't gonna take no road...
where all blindass, helly kelly cops is looking.
motherfucker, he don't eat fast food.
okay, I have three dollars and an ickel.
how much do you have? six bucks.
just let me go up and order so we can get out of here. okay.
I'll have the chicken breast sandwich, no skin, dry toast.
what are you staring at, fucker?
you want to start me up? just open the choke and pull the cord, pal.
I'm due for aseismic event, and you're dancing on the fault line.
hey, what is your problem, pal?
I got no beef with you. this is bet ween me and the kid.
hey, stop it! he started it.
I'm so sorry. I have to apologize for him.
he suffers from this thing I'm right here, four eyes. Iet's go.
oh, poorbaby. he has to let his daddy fight his battles for him.
he's an ass.
pussy.
how's it hangin', fellas?
hank, I presume?
did you miss me? why don't you just send charlie back out here?
things were finally becoming civilized. Iisten, pocahontas,
unless you put your ear to the ground, you'll never hear the buffalo coming.
Iook, I don't know what that means, okay?
It means either he's gotta make up a battle plan,
or old hank's gonna have to take over fort charlie for good.
did you just refer to yourself in the fourth person?
holy jesus in heaven! It's a giant qtip. hank.
what? I'm joking with the guy.
bringing a little sunshine into his life. careful, you'll peel.
do do you need to see a menu?
no, thank you. we've ordered.
that's it.
hold on there, cheesetits. did I miss something? don't give me that shit!
what you just did to that kid was terrible.
didn't you see the look on his face?
Iooked a little pale, that's all.
he was hurt and offended.
well, I disagree. but why speculate?
hey, milky, vamonos. hey, no! no, no, no.
hank, no. come on, brerrabbit. hop down the bunny trail.
come on. epa, epa, andale.
Iisten,
were you offended in anyway by our social interaction here?
yeah. actually, I was.
what was it, the qtip thing?
actually, I was pretty much offended by everything that you said, sir.
sorry.
I'm truly sorry.
you okay?
you don't know what it's like,
spendin' all those years trapped behind a wall of politeness
bound and gagged.
a dark and silent world where nothing grows but the anger.
all because some dollfaced demon he married...
Iaced up her boots and did a nancy sinatra on him.
charlie had a wife?
and then some.
I was a big piece of the personality pie back then.
but when she left him, charlie went numb...
and I went awol.
well,
if you were such a big part of the personality,
then she left you too.
It's true.
she left us.
I loved her.
why did she do this?
I'm not a bad person.
no, no. you're not a bad guy.
no, you're not.
do you hear me, huh?
you're a good person.
you really think so?
yeah, I'm starting to.
you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna make it up to charlie.
and I'm gonna make it up to that sweet little circus geek in there.
hank? hank.
agent boshane. just got lucky.
they were spotted leaving a health food restaurant 1 00 miles outheast of here.
fifteen minutes, tops. got it, got it.
they got 1 50 cordoned off?
Iet's fly.
can you please tell him to stop this?
charlie, is that you?
hey, my nose.
my nose is fixed.
well.
Isn't that great?
how did that happen?
well,
hank wanted to do something nice for you...
so he insisted that we, well,
go to a plastic surgeon.
what did you say? plastic sur
did you say plastic surgeon?
oh, my god. what what is this?
what is this? what did was
what is this?
hank thought that you kind of had a weak chin, so
what?
I like my chin. I'll have a
I like my chin.
It's my chin! It's my chin! mine! how did you pay for it?
I loaned him the money.
who the hell are you?
It's me, milky.
who the hell is milky, and what is he doing here?
Irene has a lot of people...
who would like to see her in an unmarked grave.
and I don't think it's safe for you to be hanging around with this.
why not? you, lrene and hank are my only friends.
but what about your family? aren't they gonna miss you?
my family's all
they're gone.
oh, geez.
If we're taking you with us, we can't be calling you milky.
what's your real name? casper, but my friends call me whitey.
okay.
here you go, mr. murphy. I got your car all filled up.
thank you, joseph.
oh, yeah.
get your cock out of my chrysler, you son of a bitch!
what are you doing tomy car?
I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna get you!
what's that on your shirt?
I'm sorry.
that was good.
charlie, what the hell is that?
oh, yeah. I'm gonna fall for that.
no, charlie. not me.
no nice try, though.
how dumb do I look?
hey, they only had two rooms, 1 9 and 20.
so you guys will have to bunk up.
so, whitey.
what happened to your family?
I killed them.
come again?
when I was 1 5, I hacked them up with a hammer while they were sleeping
ma, dad, my bro and my sis.
she was a wake, my sis,
which I regret.
yeah, well.
we all have family stuff.
that's what makes the holidays so hard.
I just got released last month on my 21 st birthday.
to tell you the truth, I really wasn't ready to leave,
but they said I had to.
that's a fuckedup law, huh?
well, I guess they need the extra room...
for the real psychos.
I'm gonna go next door and try to make out with what's her face.
go for it. all right.
what? yeah.
he just told me that he brutally murdered...
his entire family in their sleep.
oh, my god. he was ajuvenile. they just let him out.
so, I was gonna ask you...
if I could stay here,
but I can sleep in the car.
that's me and my whipper snappers.
I'm dorothy.
Iook at you.
when did you take this, at halloween?
no,just messing around the house.
you seem like a really good dad, charlie.
I try to be.
they're incredible kids. oh, god.
so happy and funny.
they never give me any grief.
they're the top three students in their class, out of 21 1.
golly. I don't know where they get it from.
well, that's just good genes.
you know, I don't think l
no, I don't think I carry even one picture anymore.
why not? I don't know.
I used to, you know, when I was younger.
pictures of friends and stuff like that.
I guess they just got old and fell apart.
kind of like the friendships.
that's too bad.
Iookat you.
I'll tell you what. why don't you keep that one?
no, charlie, that's yours. are you kidding?
I have tons of them at home. no.
no, I got a bunch. come on. you do?
yeah.
okay. thanks.
you thanks.
I'm dry.
you know, I'm gonna go get a soda.
do you want a soda? sure. okay.
okay? okay.
I caught that, bozo. not once, but twice it burned you.
give it another kick. I don't think you're gonna get it this time.
I think I just had an epiphany. what?
that I might be able to control this little problem of mine.
oh, how did you learn that?
well, first the coke machine robbed me, right?
and I'm fine with that. but then, some guy came up and laughed in my face.
oh, no. no, no. but that's just it, see?
just when I was starting to feel those old familiar feelings,
I just took a deep breath, counted back wards from ten and I said to the guy,
excuse me, sir, but your laughter is not helping me right now.
and he said, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make fun.
and that was it. I helped him with his luggage.
really? well, that's great. yes.
and you got the cokes.
hey. just a little rap on the side of the machine and presto.
maybe that's it though, you know?
Iook what I found in my bag.
oh, no. oh, boy.
what do you think? do you?
well, under the right circumstances, sure, I could tip a few. okay.
and these are the right circumstances. okay.
all right. here we go.
oh, well.
oh, that must be mine.
oh, geez.
oh, god.
oh, my god!
Irene.
why am I peeing like I was up all night having sex?
well, seems old hank had pulled a fastone.
and if that wasn't bad enough,
there was more trouble right around the corner.
I want everybody to stay put and wait for my orders.
you mean to tell me you couldn't tell the difference between us?
are you serious?
who the hell could?
a sober person, for one.
so we had some drinks.
well, look who joined the party.
did you have fun?
oh, yes I did! oh, yes I did!
so I guess old hanky panky wasn't enough for you, huh?
It wasn't for me.
now, you're sure this is the woman? absolutely.
when my boyfriend scooter brought in the morning paper,
I recognized her right away.
thanks a lot. scooter.
hey, look, starsky and hutch. Iook, man, how about this, man? this is the plan, look.
why don't you let us talk to our dad so this ain't gotta be no big thing, man?
thanks, fellas, but this is the end of the line for you.
now, officer stubie's gonna drive you back to the chopper.
what? you brung us all the way down here for us to leave now?
man, yeah. that don't make no motherfuckin' sense.
well, you guys have done all you can do.
this is strictly a police matter from here on in.
wait. It maybe a police matter to you,
but the police don't matter shit to me when it's my daddy in there.
I said you're getting the hell out of here.
that's the end of it.
guys, look, I'm sorry.
I hate to admit it, but this time he's right.
you can't be here. It's a liability thing.
hey, man, he's the motherfuckin' liability. don't worry about it.
this is my investigation. I promise you there will be no bloodshed.
I promise.
come on, guys.
Iet's go.
you okay, charlie?
uh, yeah. I'm just, uh,
freshening up.
how do you want to handle it?
I say we storm the place and start shooting.
but what if he's unarmed?
plant a gun on him after wards.
don't fuck it up this time.
agent boshane.
It's stubie. he's got baileygates and the girl.
what?
this is boshane. what's going on?
I caught them out on 134 in a stolen vehicle.
baileygates and the girl. I got them.
officer stubie, I don't want you to attempt to move them alone, you hear me?
don't move them. we'll be right there.
In your car, come on.
we sure is sorry about this, officer.
but our daddy always told us to trust our instinct,
and our instinct is tellin' us something don't smell right.
come on, let's roll. you guys are making a big mistake.
'cause I promise you, when I find your old man,
I'm personally gonna fuck him up.
now, why did you go and say something like that for, huh?
Iee harvey, what's the diameter of a chicken egg?
4.08 centimeters. no, no. what's that in inches?
1.61, man. what the fuck you gettin' at, man?
I got ten bucks say I can squeeze a chicken egg up his ass without it breakin'.
man, you can't put no chicken egg up his ass. Iookat him. he's a tightass.
no, it can be done. right on. yo, I'll take that bet.
pull your ass out.
I'll tell you one thing. If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
what are we gonna do about whitey?
take a guess. we're going on without him.
moody.
yeah, well, I didn't have the fun you had last night.
I just got the hangover and the swollen prostate.
do you have any cash left from when we checked in?
yes, 60 bucks, but it's whitey's. yeah, well.
bad things happen to people who kill their family with a hammer.
I'm payin' but it's under protest.
come on. It was close enough. yeah, what ever.
shit. hey, give me the police scanner, man,
so we can find out what the fuck's going on. all right.
well, motherfucker, you speak german, don't you? motherfucker, I can speak it.
I didn't say I could read the shit all that good. you's a motherfuckin' disgrace.
then get this motherfucker off the ground! all right, all right, all right.
shit!
oh, jesus!
would somebody get this goddamn chicken out of my ass, please?
stay back. we'll do it alone.
I'll take 1 9, you take 20.
stay back!
sons of bitches. I'll show 'em. sons of bitches.
I need a gun and lots of ammo.
sorry. 72 hour wait, federal law.
how far am I from rhode lsland?
four or five hours.
I got a map of new england if you want it, $1.95.
here's a five. keep the change. thanks.
hello. finneran, it's charlie.
charlie, you are in deep shit. where the hell are you?
Iisten, you gotta get a message to the colonel for me.
but no one outside the department can know about this, all right?
'cause this is deep.
4:30, south county train station, bring plenty of back up.
you've got it. and don't worry,
nobody outside the department will hear about this.
watch yourself, buddy, okay?
4:30, eh? thanks for notifying us, officer.
no, you've been a really big help.
you stay close. yes, sir.
excuse me.
where's dickie?
he's waiting for us in boston.
I think it's about time our little rich boy got his hands dirty.
so, tell me.
how was, uh, mr. wonderful?
this is getting really ridiculous, charlie, so just let it go.
you know, I turn my back for one minute,
and you stick it up my ass, literally.
for your information, you stuck it in your own ass!
oh, don't turn this around on me, okay?
you're the one that can't keep your legs closed.
why are you doing this?
because I like you!
what?
I like you.
well, you shouldn't, charlie.
I'm just a ditz.
a ditz? what are you talking about?
you're 27 years old. you're the super intendent ofa major golf resort.
uh, yeah, well, I kind offudged my resume a little bit to get that job.
Iook, I don't know the first thing about running a golf course, charlie.
I'm a model.
I moved to new york.
but none of it worked out, so then I tried to be an actress.
I got this eating disorder where I gained, like, 20 pounds.
that's not that bad.
In a week.
so I kind of lost myself respect.
before you know it, I had 70 year old guys trying to support me,
and I just really didn't like who I was becoming.
god, I've made so many mistakes.
Irene.
you didn't know what dickie was up to, did you?
I may be a ditz, but I'm not a crook.
I never get tired of hearing that.
oh, hey. I'm looking for my friends.
a pretty little blonde and a tall guy with a buzz cut.
cabin e. thanks a lot.
don't make a sound.
I don't know anything, and that's exactly what I told the police.
Iswear. shut up, lrene! you just listen to me.
maybe we can work something out.
time to face the music, mozart. and aone, and at wo, and
warden, I want my own cell.
oh, great, you again.
what tree did this sap ooze out of? It's dickie.
It's the guy who got me into all this crap! yeah. oh, your golf buddy?
I hope he doesn't mind if I play through. knock it off, hank.
okay, turn around. I'll play the back nine. stop it!
come on, he couldn't have chewed up the greens that badly.
get away from me!
he hasn't played the course in a long time, okay?
It was charlie who was putting.
charlie? yeah, that's right.
he might not be long off the tee, but he's got a pretty good up and down game.
what the hell is that supp can we just speak english for a second here?
I never wanted to sleep with you, hank, okay? you tricked me.
yeah, that's right. I did trick you.
It was deceitful. It was disgusting and despicable.
but just this once, try to lookat it from myside.
I was horny. oh, god.
you are such an asshole!
come on. don't be mad, my little pussy fart.
now, I warned you about that, buddy.
warned me about what?
charlie?
providence, rhode lsland. tenminute stop.
did you what?
what the hell is going on here? hank was coming on to me again.
hank? damn it.
I am so sick of that guy.
okay, hank, come on out here.
Iet's settle this the old fashioned way. come on!
I may not be tough, but, damn it, I can get good and mad!
come on! stop it, man. you're scaring me.
what's the matter with you?
Iet's get off. Iet's get off before he wakes up. come on.
I'm not through with you, buster. I'm not through with you!
what's the matter, hank? afraid to pick on some one your own size?
are you okay?
what happened?
that was dirty.
all right. come on. where are you?
where are you? here I am.
oh, you bastard.
stop it, you're gonna kill him!
you're choking me.
charlie, don't break it. don't break it.
get on your knees and beg me. up yours. I beg
on your feet, opie. we're gonna have some fun.
Irene.
hi, ladies. my name is charlie baileygates. wanna see myweasel?
free hot dogs here. all you can eat.
get your footlong and a bag of nuts.
no, don't listen to him! It's not me. It's hank.
come back here, hank. I'm not through with you!
had enough? up yours.
stop it, you two! stop it!
It's gerke! come on!
all right, hank, truce. for now, fucker.
watch out! he's got a gun!
I'll follow the girl. you get baileygates.
police officer! everybody down!
get down!
get out of the way.
hank, we're shot.
come on, you pussy. It's just a flesh wound. Iook.
Iook, there's keys in the car.
no, I can't go on.
I think
I think I'm gonna faint.
do you mean to say that I gotta carry your sorry ass?
all right.
come on, rip van wussy.
jesus, you're heavy.
get in there.
and we're gone.
oh, shit! don't worry about him.
hank, what have you done?
oh, my god! don't you just love it.
move it.
you are a sick pup.
yeah, well, it takes one to know one. what are you doing?
hank!
ever been bitch slapped?
I'm gonna kill you, hank, I swear to god.
arrivederci, dead wood. no!
what the hell are you still doing here?
you can't just throw me away, hank. we're in this together.
pritchard.
cover the other end. I want charlie arrested on sight.
hey, lrene. you just keep walking now.
Irene?
hold it, baileygates. you're coming with me.
not now, finneran. yes, now!
that was me.
yeah, big deal. the guy's got a glass jaw. shut up, hank!
you know, you're so hank!
hank!
hey, let her go!
she asked for me, asshole. big deal.
dickie, you know I don't know anything.
shut up, lrene. It's too late.
hank!
no way. come on.
oh, no, water.
yeah, she's pretty much screwed. come on, I'll buy you a beer.
no, we're doing this.
hank, what are you doing? give me the leg.
hank, hurry!
this is my body!
do you understand that?
I'm calling the shots from now on, hank.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
If you can back down from something this important,
you're nothing at all.
you're nothing at all!
I got my leg back.
oh, no. hank!
I'm coming, lrene.
hank! no!
It's okay, lrene.
hank's gone. It's me, charlie.
charlie?
uh, maybe you should go back and get help.
no, I can handle it.
I'm warning you, pal. you're gonna get hurt.
be careful, charlie.
just do what he says, charlie. back off, back off!
just turn around. now! take it easy, dickie.
take it easy.
there's now here to go.
come on, dickie.
give me the gun.
come on. come on.
that's it. nice and easy.
where's my thumb?
that's kid napping and assault. you know that, don't you?
well, why stop there? no!
oh, god.
whitey! rock 'n' roll!
Irene?
Irene!
Irene, lrene. what? what? oh, my god. ow.
keep going. bring it down, bring it down.
Iook at that. we're coming, daddy. we're coming, man.
It's my kids!
come on, daddy! grab a hold of that motherfucker, man!
so, how's my thumb looking, doc?
I'll let you know when I find it.
Irene, charlie.
this is agent steve parfitt, f.b.I. old friend. nice to see you.
you must be aw fully proud of these maniacs.
oh, I am.
yeah, you know, we're proud of this motherfucker too.
It's good to see you're safe, dad. I'll tell you that. yeah.
the colonel informed them tha tall the guilty parties...
had been apprehended.
gerke was arraigned ata providence hospital,
and agent boshane had been arrested at the train stationin new london.
but charlie baileygates had other things on his mind.
charlie, nicely done. thanks, sea bass.
hey, whitey. Iisten, I just wanted to tell you...
that I really appreciate everything you did for me.
I owe you a huge one.
and I'm truly sorry that you had to kill again.
It must be really messing with your head.
I never killed anyone before. what?
Iook, you were an admitted schizo who was wanted for murder...
and you were laying in bed next to me gabbin' like a 1 6 year old girl on the telephone.
you freaked me out, man.
but what about your family? how did they die?
I never said they were dead.
I said they were gone. they moved to phoenix, the bastards.
Iook at me. I wouldn't last two minutes out in the desert.
hey, your bandage is wet.
oh, yeah? well, maybe it's time to come off.
I'm surprised it's held on this long.
hey, that's not so bad.
hey, daddy. we just wanted to say that you holy shit.
Iook, daddy got a goddamn but hole on his face.
all laughing oh, boy. here we go.
he sure is a spartacus lookin' motherfucker.
hey, daddy, man. Iook, man.
now you can blow your nose and wipe your ass at the same damn time.
you know what I'm saying? oh, shit.
so. so.
how did your meeting with the shrink go?
oh, wonderful. a clean bill of health.
yeah? just another well rounded individual.
that's great, charlie. I'm really happy for you.
thank you.
well,
I hope if you're ever, you know, around here,
you'll, come and visit us.
yeah. Iittle rhodie.
biggest little state in the union.
yeah.
oh, let me get that for you. thanks.
hey, lrene. yeah?
maybe I could come visit you sometime soon.
promise?
you bet.
and that's the word of a rhode lsland state troope, ma'am
hold it right there.
miss waters. yes?
I'd like you to step out of the car please. what did I not do now?
we have reason to believe this is a stolen vehicle.
what? no, no.
I rented this car.
would you step out of the car, please?
great.
front of the car, please.
hands on the hood.
spread your legs. that's great.
thank you. just following procedure, ma'am.
oh, you guys. you guys are beautiful.
Iook, why don't we just skip the trial?
get right to it. you can lock me up and keep me here forever.
that's what I had planned.
oh, charlie.
It's gonna be raining wine and roses tonight.
I'll tell you one thing. It's gonna be raining my motherfuckin' cookies...
if this motherfucker don't stop this turbulence shit.
that's what the fuck I'm talking about. come on, man.
well, that's charlie's story, and I'm sticking toit.
they all moved in together and lived as one big happy family
charlie and lrene, the guys,
even that nice albino fella, whitey.
and I'm happy to report charlie got promoted to lieutenant...
in the greatest lawen for cement agency in the land...
the rhode lsland state police.
yeah, it was are gularslice of americana.
you all come back now. thanks for watchin' our motherfuckin' movie.
okay, everybody. the water temperature is 63 degrees.
pop's thumb should be all right if we find it with in the next six hours.
you sure about that? do the math, motherfucker.
damn. geez.
hey, I think I found it. what?